My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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