please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
