Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
