I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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