is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
