Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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