I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize