Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
