That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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