My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
