I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
