You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
