I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
