WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
