You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
