Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
