Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
