I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
