don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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