we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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