what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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