You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
