I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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