ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
