Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
