I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize