If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Shame - the story of my life.
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