when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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