He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
