the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
