She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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