You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize