people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
