Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
