i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
