I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
