I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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