Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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