Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just high enough for therapy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
