I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
