the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
