There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
