the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
