We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
