once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
