So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
