Pants 0. Shit 1.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
