chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
