***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i out mim tonsoeep
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