a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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