This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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