I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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