True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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