I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
