I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
