I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize