cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
