i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So squirting runs in the family.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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