I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
