Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
