2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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