I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
