fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
