There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
