Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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