i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
