It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
They have beer where we have blood.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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