maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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