I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
