I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
