I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize