so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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