you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
