you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
